Ego Whispering: Turning the Most Difficult into the Most Brilliant

You know that exhausting client/ supplier/ colleague who makes everything harder than it needs to be? That's actually your competitive advantage waiting to happen.

There's this construction firm owner I know, Rhys. Runs a solid business doing council work - new kitchens, bathrooms, refurbs etc. You name a job, and he’s probably got a team that can tackle it very well. Rhys has a site manager called Steve, who has been with him eight years. Brilliant at his job. Also an absolute nightmare to manage.

Rhys told me about this moment that nearly broke him. They'd just won a big council contract - 54 bathroom refurbs across social housing. Tight programme, decent money, penalty clauses if they're late. He's presenting the schedule to the team, and Steve's doing that thing - arms crossed, shaking his head, making sure everyone notices his disapproval.

"Can't do six bathrooms a week," Steve announces. "Not properly. Not with tenants living there. Council desk jockeys don't understand what we're dealing with."

In front of the whole crew. The council's contract manager is visiting tomorrow. And there's Steve, basically telling everyone the boss doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Every time," Rhys says, "I'd suggest something - new suppliers, different methods, whatever - and Steve would give me this look. Then hit me with 'We've been doing council houses for twenty years, Rhys. But you're the boss.'"

That "but you're the boss" - when it's said in front of his team? Might as well say "but you don't know Mrs Davies in flat 4B who won't let anyone in before noon."

Rhys was ready to have it out with Steve properly. Eight years of being undermined. Eight years of resistance. Then something happened that completely shifted how he handled it.

THE BLOCKER

Every firm doing council work faces this:

• The old hand who knows every estate, every problem property

• The site manager who has dealt with difficult tenants for decades

• The experienced worker who resists new council requirements

• The long-timer who holds all the resident relationships

• The "irreplaceable" one who knows which flats have asbestos

Rhys had tried everything:

• Quiet words in the office

• Making decisions without consulting Steve (disaster - Steve knew which blocks had parking issues)

• Getting the team on-side first (Steve sabotaged it)

• Even considered letting him go

But Steve knew every council surveyor, every resident association chair, every access issue on every estate. The lads respected him. Council tenants trusted him. He'd probably take half the workforce if he left. So Rhys did what we all do - worked around the problem. Had the same battles weekly. Everyone miserable.

Then Rhys's wife, Alice said something that changed everything: "You hired Steve because he knows council work inside out. Now you're angry because he acts like someone who knows council work inside out."

GET TO WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON

Rhys started thinking differently about Steve:

• Started as apprentice doing council repairs in the 90s

• Seen cowboys bodge jobs that came back as complaints

• Watched good firms lose contracts over resident issues

• Pride in doing proper jobs for people's homes

• Protective of standards because these are people's lives

So Rhys tried a completely different approach:

1. The Estate Intelligence Briefing: Started running plans past Steve privately first: "This bathroom contract covers the Hillside Estate. You've worked there - what should I know?"

   Steve apparently came alive. Twenty minutes on which blocks have elderly residents who need morning appointments, where the parking's impossible, which flats have modified layouts. Gold dust. When Rhys presented to the team, Steve backed it because his knowledge was built in.
   

2. The Problem Partnership: That ten bathrooms a week target? Instead of arguing, Rhys tried: "You're right, it's ambitious with tenants in situ. Based on your experience, how could we make it work?"

   
   Suddenly Steve's not the blocker - he's the solutions guy. "Well, if we ran two teams per block instead of spreading out... and did the ground floor elderly residents first so they've got access... pre-delivered materials to the communal areas...". Delivered eleven bathrooms a week by month three.
   

3. The Resident Relationship Recognition: Rhys started being public about Steve's value: "Steve's relationship with the residents got us access to those difficult flats..." "Steve, tell them how you handled that situation with the disabled tenant's modifications..."

   
   The undermining stopped. Steve didn't need to prove his worth by challenging everything.
   

4. The Council Meeting Companion: Instead of keeping Steve on site, Rhys started bringing him to council meetings: "They need to hear from someone who actually does the work."

   
   Steve went from obstacle to ambassador. Council loved having someone who understood the real challenges.

THE RESULT

Six months later, Rhys says they're running a different business.

That bathroom contract? Finished early, minimal complaints, glowing resident feedback. Council gave them a two-year framework agreement. But here's what really changed:

• Zero resident complaints (down from 3-4 per month)

• Teams work faster because Steve's system actually works

• Council treats them as partners, not just contractors

• Young lads learn resident skills from Steve

• Monday meetings are planning sessions, not battles

The moment Rhys knew it had worked? Steve pulled him aside: "That new lad, Jamie. Bit rough around the edges but he's respectful with the old dears. Want me to put him on Mrs Patterson's kitchen? She's particular, but I reckon he could handle it with guidance."

Same man who used to denounce every young trades person as not being upto the job.

THE EGO ADVANTAGE

This story isn't unique to construction sites. It's playing out across every industry, in every SME.

Take me for example. Head of Strategy & Innovation at a medium sized finance company. There are directors who's have been at the company for 20 years plus, and know every little detail about our products and how our clients respond to change. Any new suggestion or case for development can be met with "we've never needed that before." Sound familiar? Well I am learning the hard way that I need to channel more of Rhys’ approaches to increase the buy in and engagement.

Or take the marketing agency owner dealing with their creative director who shot down every client brief as "pedestrian." Started asking him to "elevate" concepts instead of just execute them. Wins went up 40%.

Or the warehouse manager whose longest-serving supervisor questioned every head office initiative? Started visiting him first for "ground truth" before rolling anything out. He became the unofficial pilot tester for new ideas.

This is why managers and leaders within SMEs can turn difficult personalities into assets. As they are:

1. Close Enough to Understand: Whether it's Steve on a building site or Sandra in accounts who's "always done it this way," SME leaders work closely enough to see the person behind the resistance.

2. Flexible Enough to Adapt: No corporate red tape preventing you from bringing your Steve to important meetings or letting your Sandra redesign the process she's resisting.

3. Direct Impact on Success: When your difficult genius becomes collaborative, the whole business feels it immediately. Every sector. Every size.

4. Relationships Are Everything: In SMEs, these long-term relationships - with their knowledge, networks, and nuance - are often your biggest assets. Worth protecting, worth converting.

THE EGO MANAGEMENT FRAMEWORK

Park your own ego. And draft your notes against this framework on who you’re trying to influence:

Understand Their World

• What knowledge do they protect?

• What standards do they uphold?

• What past failures shaped them?

• What do they care about most?

Use Their Strengths

• Turn experience into expertise

• Make their knowledge essential to planning

• Let them own the tricky parts

• Give them problems to solve

Respect the Relationships

• They know the people you don't

• Their trust took years to build

• Their reputation affects yours

• Their networks are goldmines

Build the Partnership

• Include them in strategy

• Credit them publicly

• Let them mentor others

• Make them part of success

THE BOTTOM LINE

Every SME has a Steve. That brilliant but difficult person who knows everything, resists change, challenges your authority. The one who makes you wonder if they're worth the aggravation.

You can fight them. You can work around them. You can dream about simpler times without them.

Or you can recognise what Rhys did: that ego often protects expertise (and I am slowly learning). That resistance might be wisdom. That the person driving you mad might be the key to your next level of success.

Because while your competitors are still battling their Steves, you could be turning yours into your competitive advantage. The question is: what's it costing you not to try?

What’s your take? I’m always interested to know how you’re dealing with this where you work.